Well for those of you that don't know, Scott is getting ready to head out on his next deployment. This will be #2 for our family and though I know we are lucky that in 4 years of service so far this is only our second, I am still dreading every minute of it. Deployments are something that as a military spouse you come to accept and you come to look for the good in them, though I think its rather hard. Please tell me what can be good about stealing a dad away from his children, and taking a loving husband away from his wife. I have lately been trying to see the good that can come from this deployment but as the time is drawing near I just cant find much. I know that when he is gone it will help teach me to be more independent and how to do things and be a strong woman, but what if I dont want to be a strong woman? What if all I really want to do right now is throw myself one big pity party, with chocolate ice cream and lots of rants and screams and tears. I am sure there are plenty of other military spouses out there that would be wanting to join me because I know we all feel this way at times. The army runs our life. It tells us when we can have vacations, where we are going to live, what kind of house is "acceptable" for us. It tells us when we get our daddy home and when we don't. Sometimes I just wish I could make the decisions. I know I know, I'm being a big baby, but hey don't we all have this right at times?
Scott will be gone for 12 months this time. He will be in Afghanistan. Last deployment was Iraq and from what I hear this is gonna be a whole new ball game for us. I am scared. I never felt that way before last deployment. I wasn't worried. Maybe its because I have had so many friends lately know a Tech that was killed. I swear in the last month I have seen like 3. Thats a lot for EOD. I have yet to know someone that I actually knew to have been killed in combat and truly that is not something I ever care to experience. Though I know that if we stick with this for a career my time will come. Everyones does. You eventually know someone that has lost their life for this country. Though I am so proud of my husband for the sacrafices he makes and I know his are much greater than mine ( I couldn't imagine not seeing my kids for a year) I just hope and pray that he will never have to make that ultimate sacrafice. Scott is my best friend and the man I could never imagine my life without. He keeps me calm in this life and helps me to remember the things that are truly important like him and our kids.
Ok so I know I am getting all emotional here but things lately have just been rough. Not because there have been anything bad happening, but just because we know the bad is on the horizon. I dont want to lose my husband for a year. I dont want my kids to miss their daddy, or even more, in Brays case, forget their daddy. I don't want to know what its like to be a single mom again. I have some great friends that I will be near this time around and I am hoping with my support system I will be able to just keep going day by day. I hope that he is able to have communication there, and that we will be able to talk frequently. I hope that the kids don't freak out because he isn't here. I really really hope that he comes home to us safe and sound.
I know that usually I just use this blog to keep up with family on what we are doing and such but I also use it as a journal for myself to look back at different things. This was something I just wanted to get on paper so I don't forget the way I am feeling. I am sure there will be lots of posts about this deployment on here over the next year.
1 year ago